rotnhell

no, really, why?  it doesn't mean anything, no one cares, it won't last if you're lucky enough to get it in the first place, they all leave, you'll always pick the slowest line, your efforts always fall short, you're never good enough. so why bother? if you gave up... the pain would go away. no hope, no expectations = no failure, no rejection, no wasted energy. i really, REALLY want to give up.

i'm exhausted, but i can't sleep. i can't stop picturing them... all of them that have come before, taken what they wanted, and left when they were sated. i can't stop thinking of her... how it will never be; how there will always be someone better than i; how i will never be good enough for anyone.   i can't stop thinking about how fucking stupid i am - to have had hope, to have believed for a minute, to have forgotten my place in the order of things.  "you're NOT going to get it. you DON'T deserve it. it WILL NEVER happen. so forget about it. accept it. get over it. it is your lot in life. not everyone gets to be happy. so quit being a